Winter always pulls the nostalgia out of me, releasing out into the universe like a wispy siren. Attempting to call me back to the comforting past. For the past eight months, I have felt like I had been chasing too many loves at once.
Trying to be a great wife. Trying to be a great coworker. Trying to be a decent novelist. Wasn’t this the whole point of starting Alpha Female Society more than four years ago? I was still in college at the time, making promises to myself, to other women, that we could all balance on high heels.
Then the real world came and I found myself breathless. Walking backwards in high heels with a mug of coffee in one hand and checking e-mail in the other. I felt like I failed because I felt so overwhelmed and couldn’t shake the feeling. I was being a BAD ALPHA FEMALE and an even worse writer because I wasn’t writing a damn thing. I was just staring at blank screens going, “Maybe I should watch Netflix instead.”
In an unguarded moment on a trip to Stowe, Vermont in April of this year, in the middle of getting a post-ski massage, the writers’ bug bit me and wouldn’t stop gnawing. The idea followed me around until I acknowledged its existence. The writers block that had haunted me since 2014, the excuses that echoed to no one else but me, just stopped.
Big Magic came through because I finally gave room for forgiveness. No one, including the elusive nature of inspiration at work, thrives well under a negative environment. We can keep ourselves going under the guise of stress, saying that it motivates us to beat our personal best. That can only go on for so long before we’ve burnt out. There is such a thing as working too hard.
My debut first novel, VIDEO GAMES, and second novel to be released (THROUGH AN OPAQUE WINDOW) in 2018, are both contemporary women’s fiction novels centering around romantic narratives. Although the main characters in both of these unrelated novels are women, their personal narratives are heavily driven by the men in their lives. It’s something the protagonists struggled with. It’s something that I struggled, continue to struggle with. I asked the hard question to myself in a quiet and vulnerable moment, “Who am I when I’m not talking about men?”
The question inspired the next book I aim to write, and hopefully will also be published, in 2018. It will be a departure from anything I’ve written before with all the lead characters being women with an emphasis on the female bond. In between these volatile times, women need to stick together and support each other more than ever.
From my heart to yours, I wish you and all of yours very happy and peaceful holidays.