Week 39: The Doormat and The Goddess – #AlphaFemaleFriday
“ WEEK 39 / 133 – 133 WEEKS TO SUCCESS ”
You are the pigeon or the statue. You are the butcher or the cattle. You are The Doormat or The Goddess. I find these extremes to be quite definitive, that you are only either the winner or loser of your own game in life. While I do think that many women fall into the trap of acquiescing for the sake of not making unnecessary waves, I also think that women, acknowledging that so many of their female counterparts fall into that same trap, attempt to masculinize themselves.
They also fall into the trap of being too brash and too gruff, and instead of coming off as confident, they come off as just being plain abrasive. Whether we’re negotiating contracts or haggling at the deli counter, there’s a fine balance between shrugging into submission versus antagonizing into aggression. We can ask for what we want and what we deserve without having to make others feel like they are beneath us.
I think that’s what really throws me off about thinking about this chapter in Nice Girls Still Don’t Get The Corner Office. Are you really telling me that, referring to Pablo Picasso’s quote on women, that “there are only two types of women—goddesses and doormats”, I must and can only be one or the other? That other women out there are either fabulous or pathetic? I’ve been on both ends of those spectrums, and many other women I know have been on both ends and everything in between. Heck, I’m basically a walking doormat every morning until I’ve had my coffee. Catch me half an hour later and I’m harping on about life just from the mere energy I get from the sunshine—I’m a fine and dandy goddess who’s ready to take on the world, until my next coffee break.
The point being of both Lois P. Frankel’s original chapter and my post this week is that we need to take away three main points here. The first point is that we need to manage expectations by letting others know our boundaries and limits to our flexibilities. We need to trust our instincts by being in tune with our feelings. If something doesn’t feel right or if you feel like you’re being pushed to unfair limits, they speak up and say it before everything boils and topples over. The last and most important point would be if you want something, don’t wait for it. Go out ask for it or go out and get it yourself. On that note, I end on a quote I much prefer on confidence from Eleanor Roosevelt, “We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”
@AlphaFemSociety tweets by @KellyRGonzales
Each week, I take a tip from Lois P. Frankel’s book, Nice Girls Still Don’t Get the Corner Office, and explore how each of these tips affect myself and other women in similar positions on the road to becoming the women we want to be. There are far and few between who are a few steps behind me, and many more who are far advanced. I found that Lois P. Frankel’s advice applied to novice, intermediates, and experts alike. It helped me see that I was already doing right, served as a reminder to keep on doing what I was doing and how to keep that momentum going. The book also showed me areas where I could improve, and gave realistic tips to jump on board. There are a total of 133 tips, and explore one tip per week in a program I call: 133 Weeks to Success.
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