When I say “The One”, I am not talking about Neo from the Matrix, because that’s a whole ‘nother topic that leaves me heartbroken. I’m talking about the pressure we put on the people that we date, fall in love with, and even marry. To tell someone else that they are the love of your life or that they are your soul mate, your one and only, is to tell someone that they have everything to possibly offer you emotionally, romantically, and sexually. That is far too much pressure to put on one individual.


Instead, I think we should stop thinking about our significant others as the one and only possible loves of our lives. We can be in love with multiple people throughout different stages, and the people that we fall in love with at that time in our life are just the right kinds of people. Even if you are loyal to one person for your whole life, at one point, you will either lose that person or that person will lose you due to natural causes.


The best approach we can take is to realize that we are complete beings on our own. We do not need another person to have to fulfill us because we are already fulfilled by loving ourselves. Humans are not completely independent or dependent. To be a fully functional and social human being, we need to fall somewhere in the happy medium: we need to be interdependent.


My boyfriend, Derek, and I are at pivotal moments in our lives. We are about to graduate college and begin our lives, and whether the rest of our lives will be on our own, with each other, or with other people, we cannot quite predict at this moment in time. To be honest, I know that whatever happens between him and I, the end result will end up with both of us being okay. The reason Derek and I are primarily attracted to each other in the first place is that we are both functional individuals on our own who appreciate being able to spend time with each, support each other through the bad times, and share happiness through the good times.


If Derek and I ever do decide to move on and go our separate ways, it will be one of a thousand reasons why we did not work out. I can tell you, though, that the reason we would split up would not be because neither of us saw each other as “the one”. Neither of us has had that thought in our mind in the first place going into this relationship. We see each other as compatible partners who appreciate being in love with each other for whoever long we are meant to last, and will continue to love each other even after that time passes. Derek may not be “The One” for me, but he is the one for me right here and right now. Frankly, there’s not better situation I can ask for than that.








2 thoughts on “Dismantling the Idea of “The One” – #AlphaFemaleFriday

  1. You are a wise soul, my friend. Hopefully the next generation of girls will grow up without this dated notion of the one as it has been portrayed to so many of us for years. Well written/said all around.


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